Widower's Walk

Take a chance and see who you are!

“13 Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” 15 And He laid His hands on them and departed from there.” (Matthew 19: 13-15, NKJV)

My dear sweet bride and I sponsored orphan children all around the world. It was something that was a natural for us as she was an amazing children’s teacher and I loved helping with her classes, mission trips, vacation bible school, camp and special events. As a child I met my mother’s college roommate who was a missionary to Gifu, Japan. I was totally enamored by her stories and the life she led for Christ.

My personal career took me all over the globe. I often had opportunity to witness and work with missionaries on my trips after business was completed. Ever since I was in the 5th grade and got my first geography textbook I had wanderlust to see the world!

After I came back from my trip to see my Tennessee relatives FBC Leesburg had an announcement in the bulletin about interest in doing a mission trip to Uganda. They were partnering with Orphan’s Heart International. I went on-line and saw what the trip was about and went to the first informational meeting. I remember Alison Wilson was on the phone and was so enthusiastic and helpful in describing what the trip would be like. I heard this voice (could have been Pat!) saying “You need to do this.” So, when we finished the meeting I told Pastor Cliff to count me in – I was signing up! This was my moment to explore who I was! It was for such a moment as this that I being molded!

Pastor Cliff said he saw me blossom in Uganda and asked me if I would consider leading a team in 2017 – I agreed. The children and the adults loved me and I loved them back! I made such dear friends. Something my daughter always told me was “Children and dogs love you, Daddy! You just have a good way with them and they are attracted to you.” Yes, that would be right!

While on the trip I was asked to go on a visioning trip to Romania just a couple of months after the Uganda trip. I said yes again! I got to meet the leadership of Orphan’s Heart, who I fell in love with and an opportunity to see areas I had travelled to on business with a purpose to see possibilities for sharing Jesus. Again, I was a hit with the children! And my heart was full on how could I make a difference for them around the world!

I went back to Uganda in July 2017 and was privileged to lead the team for my church and for Orphan’s Heart. I felt God’s presence the whole time and could feel Pat smiling on me from heaven! So in less than 12 months I did 3 mission trips – what an incredible adventure. But, because I took a chance, I discovered that God could use me in ways he had prepared me for years. And I now have 3 beautiful children I am sponsoring in Romania and Uganda – what a blessing. My daughter refers to them as her brother and sisters! Helping others, especially children took away my grief and gave me a purpose. I also feel God’s love even more!

LESSON LEARNED: Take a chance! See what you could do that you have not done. Find something to do that helps other people. This last trip also helped me to quit procrastinating about this blog! My life is to please God. I can do that much better through helping other people than to sit in my house. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

Honor your loved one in unique ways!

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10, NKJV)

A few days after the funeral and burial my son, Andy, called me and said he wanted to do something special to honor the memory of his mother. He had looked into the MDA Muscle Walk in Seattle. I told him that was a fabulous idea and I would help and walk with him. Two years in a row our team, “In Loving Memory of Pat Robbins,” was the top fund-raiser. Here is what Andy had to say about his mother and why he was walking for MDA:

“On Friday, July 17th, 2015, my mother, Pat Robbins, passed away after suffering the effects of Muscular Dystrophy for over 10 years. I loved my mother with all my heart. Muscular dystrophy destroyed my mother’s health, and continues to plague my family today. This year, I am setting a very high fund-raising goal of $50,000 to support MDA’s family support and research programs. With your support, MDA can continue to support families like mine who continue to suffer the effects of this awful disease, and MDA-funded research can continue their search for a cure.”

We are in our 3rd event on September 16. It is such a great feeling to be walking beside my son in tribute to his mother and my dear sweet bride in heaven!

Pat’s Secret Gardens were another tribute to my dear sweet bride. Pat had 2 very special books she loved dearly, “The Secret Garden” and “Green Mansions.” I read these books and it came to me that through creative landscaping I could make a monument and tribute to her. So, I sat down with a landscape architect and we plotted out gardens on my lot that would be butterfly and hummingbird friendly as well as catching the beauty of both books. Another favorite place for Pat and me was Durango, Colorado. We would stand in awe of God’s creation and be amazed by the rushing streams and falls. That led to the inclusion of a very natural pondless waterfall in a secret place in the garden. I would sit out on the lanai every morning to read my Bible, listen to the falls and watch the butterflies and humming birds playing and feeding in the gardens. I know Pat is experiencing gardens beyond my wildest imagination but I know she would have been so happy to see the earthly gardens! These gardens gave me peace and hope!

LESSON LEARNED: Spend constructive time memorializing your loved one and spend time with your children to help them build lasting tributes to their mother. The time planning took my mind off of grief and gave me renewed purpose. It also gave me hope for my eternal home!

“For man goes to his eternal home, And the mourners go about the streets.” (Ecclesiastes 12:5, NKJV) 

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4, NKJV)

Gather with other people!

“Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25, NKJV)

In my first blog post I talked about being in church 2 days after Pat died. What I did not report was that Pat and I were scheduled to start our small group that Sunday evening. Needless to say that did not happen and I prayed about that for a while! I had no peace in discarding the opportunity for this group, so in September I started the small group in my house. We met on Sunday evenings and I really looked forward to those wonderful nights. God sent folks to the group who were really searching Him and were thirsty for fellowship. Two of my dear members are now in heaven with my wife.

The picture above is of the Cades Cove Primitive Baptist Church in the Smoky Mountains. It is a remembrance to me of how folks have gathered for centuries to share the gospel and to share fellowship together. At Village Park campus of First Baptist Church Leesburg, Florida I found my “spot” every Sunday morning on the first seat on the front row! As I made my way to my seat I would stop and greet my friends and new visitors. I would get much-needed hugs. The assembling of the saints helped comfort me and pointed me to The One who provides comfort, God Almighty.

As I attended church regularly, I had an opportunity to reflect on how much God loves me and how He had taken care of me over the years. The picture above is the hill where Jesus found me and saved me as a teenager on July 17, 1968. I had not made the connection to that date until I took this picture on October 23, 2015! A house sits there now, but as a teenager this was our church camp and the hill was called, Vesper Hill. For me it was the place I kneeled as a 17-year-old and prayed and asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life. I remember the camaraderie of the youth group and how it was those precious times of group interaction that formed my quest to follow Jesus.

I felt so much better when I was with my small group, worshipping with others and having special times with people who loved on me, like Dick and Helen Baker, Carol Reeb, Joan and Dale Essenburg, and Connie (she recently went to heaven) and Henry Tyska. These folks helped me and I helped them in return – God’s economy of friendship is that we help each other!

LESSON LEARNED: God has made it known from the beginning of mankind that we are not wired to do life alone. In the garden He created Eve to be a comrade and companion for Adam (and Adam for Eve!). He also wanted us to share with one another and to worship Him together. This is the great place to turn when we grieve and mourn! God pours out His love to you through others! Do not be a Lone Ranger!

“So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.” (Acts 2: 46-47, NKJV)

Finding companionship with a furry friend!

“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18-20, NKJV)

Pat and I always had dogs until we moved to Bakersfield. After 8 years of no dogs, we were both okay with being in a house with no pets. After Pat went to heaven, my house was very quiet and very lonely. In October I began exploring what kind of dog I might get as a companion. I wanted to do rescue so I spent a lot of time exploring my options.

On my trip to Texas over the Christmas holidays I ran into 2 wonderful greyhounds that lived with Pat’s Uncle Harve and his wife Sue. I had not really thought seriously about greyhounds until that night. I began doing a lot of research on the breed. I discovered there was a greyhound rescue group near my house in Florida. I planned a visit to see if this might be something I should do.

Upon arrival, I had to fill out my life history and be interviewed before I could see the greyhounds! Gizela was in the office and such a sweetheart. She was not up for adoption due to a heart defect, but she certainly was a great ambassador! After the interview, Joan told me there were several dogs available. She studied a moment and asked me if she could try out a particular dog with me. I said sure.

Joan came back with this huge brindle male greyhound who looked very sad. She told me his history – he had raced for 22 months and had spent 13 months at the rescue shelter. He had been set for adoption, but when he went out on the leash with the prospective owners there was a problem and it was apparent Drew did not approve of the prospective owners. Anyway, Drew came over to me and laid his head down in my lap! I sat with him a good while and then went outside in the fenced area with him. Later, came the leash test. I took Drew back outside on the leash and he started to pull away from me. I just stood still and he came back to my side. Joan was so glad to see this. So, the next step was for Joan, a handler and Drew to come to my house to see if it would be satisfactory for Drew. It was a good meeting – when Drew saw me he came over and laid down and turned his belly up to me! I was hooked!

Drew was very shy around other people. He wanted to stay as close to me as possible. When other people would walk up he would pull away. I would stand my ground and talk to my neighbors and their dogs. Slowly, Drew decided to see why I was not afraid. Slowly, one neighbor at a time, he became acquainted with all of them and their dogs! I was so happy he was becoming a social butterfly.

But the most amazing part of this journey was what was happening to me! I wanted to go for the walks to meet new neighbors and make new friends. Drew was the drawing card! And oh how much he loved me! It was just as if God had put us together!

A few months later I was informed that Gizela had been released by the vets for adoption and that I was on the short list of people they thought would be good for Gizela – she needed to be with another greyhound. Long story short – it was a quick adoption!!

Both of these greyhounds have found a spot in my heart and also given me the ability to get over my grief as a caregiver – I now have 2 sweet greyts to take care of and to love!

Did you know you can grieve from not being a caregiver? You can grieve over every loss, not just death, but failures, job loss, dreams lost, tragedies and the list goes on! My counselor encouraged me to write down every loss I had experienced and to see if I had grieved them or was I still holding on! Getting these 2 wonderful dogs revealed to me a pretty long list that I have been working through!

LESSON LEARNED: Man was not put on this earth to live alone. God provided companionship. While I did lose my perfect companion, my dear sweet bride, I did not lose God and He helped me with my loneliness through 2 wonderful greyhounds. Getting out and seeing other people is helping me down the path of the grief journey and taking away the loneliness!

“Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10, NKJV)