The number one fan of the man from Tennessee
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14, NKJV)
My dear sweet bride travelled all her life. When she married me she was hoping to settle down in one place and not move any more. Her dad was in geophysics and as a child she travelled frequently as her dad was exploring for oil and gas all over Texas, New Mexico and Oklahoma. She went to 21 different schools in 3 different states from first grade through high school. The travel had made her independent, shy and very smart – reading was her companion and safe place. She had very few close friends as a result of her travel – her very best friend was her mom – they could talk about ANYTHING!!!
After I finished my Air Force duties, we moved to Arlington, Texas so I could finish school. She told me it was an investment in her future! The day after I graduated from UTA we moved to Knoxville, Tennessee on promise of a job. That job did not immediately pan out, but I got a job in Eden, North Carolina. I always thought that the IRS and the police were wondering what was going on with us because we lived in Texas, Tennessee North Carolina, Georgia in a period of 11 months!! Yes, Pat was back on the move again. Right after Katie was born, I was promoted and we moved again to Albany, Georgia. We lived there 6 years and then back to Arlington, where Pat said she wanted to stay! Three years later we were in Washington State. Over the 39+ years we were married, Pat and I owned 10 houses and travelled from coast to coast – Texas, Tennessee, North Carolina, Georgia, Texas, Washington, Oklahoma, Washington, Oklahoma, California and Florida.
When we moved to Florida Pat told me she wanted to be buried in the back yard. That was her saying enough! In 1974 Dave Loggins wrote a song “Please Come to Boston,” which Pat completely identified! She told me once to sit down and she played the song for me. She told me 2 things – unlike the girl in the song she never said no, but like the girl in the song she was the number one fan of the man from Tennessee. Pat got very, very tired of traveling and uprooting from places she was hoping would be our forever home.
Now she is in her forever home and I have had to sit down and admit that I caused her a lot of pain by all the moves we made. I have apologized to her in heaven and look forward to the day that we will both be in heaven together forever!
It can be earthly too late to repent to your spouse, but you do not need to carry that burden with you forever. Journaling and blogging have opened up issues I still carry and must turn loose. This pain I caused Pat was one of the first I confronted 2 years ago – I had to let it go. So, I put a chair in my office and visualized Pat sitting in that chair. I apologized to her and asked her for forgiveness. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I released this burden. I truly believe she had already forgiven me.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED: Do not hold on to the past and its burdens. Give them to the Lord and have a conversation with your loved ones in heaven. Press forward – I know I am not a citizen of this world but of heaven!
Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart have enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses!
18 Look on my affliction and my pain,
And forgive all my sins. (Psalm 25:16-18, NKJV)
Widower's Walk 